How’s the food?
I take each question I am asked very seriously, and this one is at the top of the list. Meeting the most basic needs of those who depend on Coventry for consistent and professional care, is our top priority; and ensuring that the meals we provide are nutritious, seasonally-appropriate, and most of all appetizing, must be a priority as well. I am proud to say that Coventry, and our management partner, Ebenezer, succeed at this most crucial goal every day.
Ebenezer’s stated values are Dignity, Integrity, Service, Compassion, and Innovation. These values are reflected in the effort that our culinary professionals put into menu planning. As you can see from the menu in the slideshow, there is something for every resident, every day. In addition to the technically balanced and nutritionally appropriate choices each day, there is a lot of variety. People living in our community can choose from a selection of light salads and soups, to a wide array of regional and ethnic favorites. We honor the dignity of those who depend on us by exceeding their expectations daily with delicious offerings from our dedicated staff.
Integrity and Compassion
One way I know that our meals are something our clients look forward to, rather than merely technically adequate, is the quiet calm that descends over our community when people are sitting down to their breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Our chef and her staff painstakingly execute the planned menus with such attention to quality that our residents consider every one of their meals home-cooked. The culinary staff lives our company values daily serving our clients with integrity and compassion.
Ability to Choose
I was inspired to write this post today from an unusual source. I was in our dining room and watched a Care Attendant offering the alternative menu to a resident. It occurred to me that having alternatives is just one of the ways we honor our clients’ ability to choose. It would seem that chicken fajitas (with delicious onions, peppers, and Mexican rice) were slightly more adventurous than he was feeling today. Without blinking, the Care Attendant offered a cup of tomato soup, retrieved an alternative menu, and pointed out that there were options available including hamburgers, sandwiches, and salads.
As the Outreach & Sales Director, it is my number one priority to inform the public what makes Coventry the best choice for Senior living in Mahtomedi. I can state confidently that our culinary services are something that we do well with consistency and respect.
“How’s the food?”
If you have ever surfed websites of senior housing options, I bet you have frequently run into the term “person-centered care” which we owe to Dr. Thomas Kitwood, a British physician who focused on the importance of remembering that a person with dementia is first and foremost a PERSON with particular needs, challenges, strengths and preferences.
Cannot expect persons with dementia to think like we do
It is also due to Dr. Kitwood’s brilliant work that nurses are no longer trained to try to orient persons with dementia to reality, e.g., “No, no, Mrs. Jones, it’s 2017 now – actually your mother is dead, and the farm has been sold!” Thank goodness for Tom Kitwood! He helped us understand that we cannot expect persons with dementia to think like we do. As I’ve heard nursing home operator and author Megan Carnarius say, “We need to cross to their side of the street.” People with dementia simply cannot come over to ours. We need to give them responses that make sense with the way in which they understand the world.
Dementia expert Elion Caspi encourages us to also think about dementia care as “relationship-based care.” If we do not maintain relationship and genuine connection with persons with dementia, trust wears thin. As a result, it becomes challenging for persons with dementia to accept the care they need.
Lost in the grief
It is completely understandable that care partners are exhausted. They often get caught up in the grief of losing the precise relationship they had with their loved one before dementia was part of the picture. All too often, people become angry and bitter, even to the point of saying things such as “Alzheimer’s is worse than death.” That is a direct quote from the despondent husband of a wonderfully clever woman; let’s call her “Pam,” with whom I worked for some years. What a heartbreaking pronouncement from her husband! At this point, Pam still loved to share opinions and insight, sing Broadway tunes, reminisce, walk, dance, and hold hands.
A person is NOT their Alzheimer's disease any more than a person who has cancer is their cancer!
Those of us who have had family members with dementia or other progressive diseases do understand from whence that sentiment arises. However, it is ultimately not a helpful one. Nor is it accurate. It implies that we might as well give up on a person who is still very much alive. This could not be further from the truth. A person is NOT their Alzheimer’s disease any more than a person who has cancer IS their cancer. The person, an intact spiritual being, is still there, though many of their needs have changed dramatically. We do our loved ones a disservice if we refuse to rise to the occasion of their increased needs.
Maintain connections along the way
There are many gifts to be gained by accepting where the person is at, through each and every phase of their dementia experience. There is connection to maintain all along the way. How we connect will vary with different types and different phases of dementia, but in general, smiling, eye contact, gentle touch and approach, curiosity, acceptance of where the person is, conversation about things that are meaningful to the person, sharing laughter, singing, enjoying simple pleasures, giving compliments, promoting calm, validating the person’s feelings, doing things just the way the person likes, making things easier for them, reminiscing, having fun together, sparking creativity, enjoying humor….well, the list of what can be done to maintain a healthy, nurturing relationship goes on and on.
Responding to the world from an earlier developmental time
In short, we can treat the person like a PERSON, and remember that even though this person is losing skills, even though this person may enjoy and indeed benefit from things that children like, this person is still an adult who is simply responding to the world from an earlier developmental time. This person still has strengths and skills we must actively encourage and appreciate in order for them to have a meaningful life.
Language is powerful
Did you notice that I’ve been using the term “care partner” rather than “caregiver?” Language is powerful. When the relationship between a person with dementia and someone caring for them is viewed more as a partnership, what’s implied is that both persons have something to give. Think about it…What might persons with dementia still have to offer us, their care partners?
Some bonds remain unbreakable
They can give valuable input as to what they like and what they don’t like. They can lend us wisdom from past experience; they can share memories of olden days, with humor and perspective. They can inspire us with their courage and resilience. They can give us love. In this process, we may be surprised at how flexible our own capacity to love may become. Even in the late stage of their dementia, our loved one may remind us how some bonds remain unbreakable. Caring for persons with dementia may give us more patience and more appreciation for wordless communication and for life than we’ve ever known.
We are in this together
Thinking about our relationship as a partnership will help make us more open to a person’s participation and input. We just might respect, value and love this person all the more. We are not the same as this person, and we have each been impacted by dementia and changed forever in vastly different ways, but surely we are in this together.
--Marysue Moses, Ebenezer Dementia Care Program Coordinator
If I am in the earliest phase of dementia, I generally will hide my deficits pretty well, even though I may be experiencing fear and anxiety as I realize that my brain is not functioning as well as it used to. Because people with dementia lose skills in the reverse order that children gain them, this phase represents the loss of my Adult Learning. This means that those skills that I got really good at when I became a full-fledged adult will be the first abilities that I lose.
I may have challenges with word-finding, vocabulary and math. I may have issues with driving (car accidents, tickets) and my checkbook may become increasingly confusing and difficult for me to manage. I might mix up medications, so please keep an eye on that. I can’t seem to plan an event any more, make a shopping list, or even cook a whole meal. Multitasking is way too overwhelming for me. My speech may become vague as I struggle to remember the details of whatever you are asking me about.
It is important (not just now but throughout the dementia experience) that you as my care partner remember and focus on the strengths that I still have. There are many! In this early phase, I still have a sense of humor. Please help me find opportunities to laugh. Ask me questions you know I can still answer. (Do not quiz me to remind me of what I am forgetting.)
I still have the capacity for ideas and decisions, so be sure to give me some choices. Relationships are still important to me. Please reassure me that you care. Hold my hand and speak to me with warmth and kindness. I still have interests. Help me explore them. I will have fun reminiscing with you about days gone by because my long-term memory is still really good. I can probably still use clocks, watches and calendars to some degree. Give me reminder notes if those still work for me.
In this phase, I will most of all need compassion and understanding. I am still a person, a person whose spirit is experiencing considerable anguish at the moment. Please avoid arguing with me, and do whatever you can to make things easier for me. But please try not to scold or embarrass me in the process. If you see that I am frustrated, it’s okay to say, “It’s so frustrating, isn’t it!”
Please don’t take it personally if I get mad at you or seem to blame you at times. I do this because I am scared. I have a sense that I am losing control. If you can let my frustrations roll off your back and just acknowledge that I seem upset, if you can apologize to me even though you don’t know what you did to provoke my anger, I bet I will relax, and this might even encourage me to share my deeper feelings with you. I so need your love, support and your patience at this time. Thank you for asking me what I need!
--- Marysue Moses, Ebenezer Dementia Care Program Coordinator
This blog was inspired by information and insight in the book A Deeper Perspective on Alzheimer’s and Other Dementias, by Megan Carnarius.
The commercials, the decorations and the sales are all starting -- the Holidays are right around the corner! For many caregivers, this can be a challenging time.
The holidays can stir up mixed emotions for those who have a loved one with dementia. It’s easy for families to feel stress at this time of year, mixed in with grief about the way things used to be. People try really hard to make things work well for their loved one, and the effort can be exhausting. What can families of persons with dementia do to decrease this stress?
Adjust your expectations. You can still find joy and meaning during the holiday season, but things probably need to be scaled down, to benefit your loved one as well as yourself! Give yourself permission, for example, to tone down the decorations. Use less! Blinking lights and large displays can cause disorientation for the person with dementia, so it’s better to keep it simple. Involve your loved one in preparations, but let them participate as they are able. Maybe just stirring the batter, or rolling the dough for a bit, will be enough. Maybe you can open holiday cards together, and take turns reading them aloud, at a nice relaxed pace.
Consider the individual when you choose where your celebration will occur. Some people might do fine with a family gathering in someone’s home, if it’s not too overwhelming. But if a person has become used to their new routine in an assisted living or MC community, being taken out of that environment could prove disruptive and upsetting. Bringing the person back to their new home at the end of the festivities might also be very disconcerting for everyone. At a certain point, people with dementia will do better if the holidays come to them. A small family celebration could be held at the assisted living or care center, maybe in a private dining room, early in the day, when people with dementia have more energy.
Whether you choose to celebrate at home or at your loved one’s place, it’s important to keep the environment calm. Consider that a combination of loud conversation, music, active children, pets and Christmas decorations might cause a person with dementia considerable anxiety. If you do bring your loved one to your home, make sure there is a quiet room they can rest in, if a break is needed.
Remember to trust yourself. You know your loved one. If you have any inkling that your holiday plans might be “too much” for the person, scale back. Pick and choose the events you will involve them in. You may need to set firm boundaries with other family members, but it will be worth it. You don’t have to “do it all” to enjoy the warmth of the holidays.
Many of these tips and more can be found at www.alz.org.
This article was first written by Marysue Moses, Ebenezer Dementia Care Program Coordinator and was first posted on EbenzerMemoryCare.org/blog. You can visit this website for more resources on caring for someone with dementia.
One of the most common types of dementia, Lewy Body Dementia causes problems with thinking, movement, behavior and mood.
There are two types of Lewy Body dementia:
1. Dementia with Lewy Bodies. This is when people FIRST have a decline in cognition, then, within a year, develop movement problems.
2. Parkinson’s Disease Dementia. This is when people FIRST show symptoms of a movement disorder, then, after a year or more, cognitive symptoms arise.
After the first year, the symptoms of the two types look very similar.
How should you respond to a person’s hallucinations or delusions? Tune in to the person’s emotions. Determine whether the hallucinations are upsetting for the person, or not.
If the hallucination or delusion causes no danger or upset for the person, there is no need to do anything except validate the person’s perception or belief, i.e. “Huh. That’s interesting.”
If the hallucination is upsetting, respond to the emotion expressed: “I can see why you’re upset.” Agree, sympathize, and validate BEFORE offering reassurance, i.e., “Of course you’re annoyed by all those little people running around. But I’ve got the situation under control.” You can offer the person empathy and concern: “I’d feel that way too, if that was going on in my room. Let’s go for a walk, they’ll go home soon.” Then, clearly and firmly, give the “little people” some direction, i.e., “Okay, kids, you’ve got ten minutes to get out of here.”
A variety of professionals can help manage the person’s disease. Medication may be helpful in some situations. Therapists (physical, speech, and occupational) can help with movement issues, swallowing and vocal problems, and can help to identify ways daily activities can be made easier for the person. Palliative Care Specialists can help manage constipation, sleep disorders and behavior problems.
If you are the primary caregiver for someone with Lewy Body dementia, make sure you have a team of professionals in place, and make sure you find respite for yourself as needed.
--Adapted by Marysue Moses, Ebenezer Dementia Care Program Coordinator, from Lewy Body Dementia Information for Patients, Families and Professionals, NIH Publication No. 13-7907, September 2013
This article was first posted on EbenezerMemoryCare.org/blog. You can visit this website for more resources on caring for someone with dementia.
It will probably come as no shock to caregivers out there, that persons with dementia can at times be very stubborn, critical or emotional. They might start yelling or become physically aggressive. Upsets can escalate quickly and become extreme. The person might refuse to let you, the caregiver, assist them with personal care. It may seem to you that your loved one is responding “inappropriately,” and that this reaction is out of balance to the situation. Why must they get so upset over what seems to you to be something quite insignificant? Why won’t Mom let you comb her hair, for example, when she’s always been so particular about how she looked?
The first thing to realize, and it can be tough for family members to reframe things in this way, is that the person with dementia is not acting “inappropriately.” They are simply responding the only way they know how, given that their brain is damaged. Mom won’t let you comb her hair because she is trying desperately to communicate a need. Maybe her head hurts. Maybe the feel of the comb going through her hair is tingly and unpleasant. Maybe she simply wants to do it herself and not feel like she is being treated like a child. These feelings and/or sensations will be more important to Mom than that fact that Mom used to pay more attention to her appearance, which Mom is not at all concerned with right now.
Mom’s brain is no longer wired to think the way she used to think. But Mom is still a person, with very real needs. It is our job as caregivers to do our best to identify what the need is, and to respond in such a way that the person feels soothed and validated, rather than aggravated.
Some common causes of these so-called “catastrophic reactions” are as follows:
• The person is trying to do something that they can no longer manage
• The person is being asked to multi-task, which is very difficult for a person with dementia
• The caregiver is rushing the person with dementia
• The person does not want to look incompetent or incapable
• The person doesn’t understand what they were asked to do
• The person is tired or doesn’t feel well
Tips for responding effectively to these situations:
• Remain calm.
• Do not argue with the person.
• Without hurrying, and in a matter of fact manner, remove the person from whatever is causing their upset. Do not ask them to complete a task, if that is the frustration. Let them stop. Do not force them in any way.
• Validate whatever feelings the person has, i.e.: “Of course you’re frustrated.” “I would feel that way, too.”
• Reassure the person, once they have calmed down. “I’ll take care of it. I know you’re doing the best you can.” “Mom, you know what, your hair looks just fine as is.” Our priorities need to be flexible when we are caring for a person with dementia.
• Apologize, even if you are not sure what you might have had to do with your loved one’s upset. “I’m sorry if I made things worse, Mom.”
This blog was inspired by information found in The 36 Hour Day, by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins, a book often referred to as “the Bible” of dementia care.
--Marysue Moses, Ebenezer Dementia Care Program Coordinator
This post can also be found on EbenezerMemoryCare.org.
There are many different ways that families handle communicating with their loved one about a move to memory care. The most successful plan will be designed to meet your loved one’s needs. Some family members don’t tell the person they are going to move, knowing this could create undue anxiety. Other families are completely honest with their loved one about the need for “more care” and they have their loved one participate in the move. However you decide to handle the communication, make sure all family members are on the same page, and keep in mind the following guidelines:
DON’T keep reminding your loved one they are moving if it makes them anxious. You might try telling them once, in a matter of fact manner, to see how they take it. If it stresses them out to talk about a move, don’t keep bringing it up.
DO reassure the person that they will be getting more help. Because of their dementia, they may bring up the same concerns or fears over and over. Let the person voice their concerns, and be understanding in your replies, i.e. “I can see why you’re worried about that. We’ll figure it out.”
DON’T pull your loved one into the details of the planning and packing process. Don’t ask them to decide what to bring and what to leave behind. With memory loss, decision making and any process with multiple steps will present challenges. If you don’t already know which objects or knick-knacks are most important to your loved one, spend time observing what things around their home they use and enjoy on a regular basis.
DO work with a move manager. A great example comes from a family who had one daughter take mom out for a morning of shopping followed by lunch, while the other daughter was assisting the move manager. The move manager set up the new apartment to look almost identical to the room in the old house where mom spent most of her time. When they brought mom into her new apartment, she knew something was different, but she felt very much at home right away.
DON’T over-pack. Memory care apartments are small for a reason – large spaces with lots of “stuff” can be overwhelming and anxiety-inducing for people with memory loss. A smaller space with a manageable amount of items in it eases the mind. Again, pay attention to what your loved one actually uses throughout the day and bring just what he or she needs. If your loved one misses something, you can always bring it later.
DO consider leaving the TV at home. As memory loss progresses, TV shows can be hard for people to follow. They can also be upsetting, as they can be confused with reality. Bring music, family photo albums and art or photography books instead – they are more therapeutic. Consider leaving valuables behind too. A person with dementia often picks something up, puts it down, and then forgets where it is. Save yourself the heartache of a missing wallet or priceless family heirloom by not bringing it to the new memory care apartment.
DON’T get started too late in the day. Try to get the move done so that your loved one is settled in their apartment by 2 or 3 p.m. at the latest. As the day progresses we all get tired, but a person with dementia will not cope as well as the rest of us. Enlist more moving help if you need the extra hands to be finished by 2 p.m. – it will make the transition smoother.
DO remember that people usually adjust quite well to their new environment, but that this could take around 2-4 weeks. Be reassured in knowing the staff in the memory care community are there to help your loved one settle into a comfortable routine. Because the new environment (not only the apartment but also the programming and the structure of the day) is designed to fit the needs of a person with dementia, you will start to notice your family member more at ease than they were before the move. When your focus returns to your relationship with your loved one, rather than the details of day to day caregiving, you will also be more content, knowing you have made the right decision.
Join us for this opportunity to capture insightful and effective intervention
strategies in dealing with dementia. Don’t miss author Elaine Pereira’s
heartwarming and humorous story of unwitting mistakes while navigating
through her mother’s unpredictable disease.
Caring for a loved one is challenging but caring for a loved one who no
longer knows who you are can be overwhelming and heartbreaking. Elaine
Pereira shared her journey of caring for her mother with dementia in her book,
I Will Never Forget.
In her presentation on October 27, Pereira will address community and family
caregivers who are going through the dementia journey, dispel dementia myths, and share highlights from her book. She will also examine why language
collapses with the advance of Alzheimer’s and strategies to maintain connections as words fail.
Attendees can enter a drawing for the chance to win a copy of the author’s book!
Presented by Coventry of Mahtomedi Assisted Living and Memory Care
Thursday, October 27, 2016
St. Jude of the Lake Parish – Kohler Hall
700 Mahtomedi Avenue | Mahtomedi, MN 55115
Please RSVP by October 21 to Coventry of Mahtomedi at 651-528-8442 or click here to RSVP online.
When persons with dementia move into a memory care community, it can take from several weeks up to three months or more for the person to adjust and feel comfortable with the new environment and routine. From my personal experience working with memory care residents at one assisted living for over a decade, I would say the average amount of time before the person settled in was no longer than a month. Your loved one may be angry for a while, and may seem more confused than before. This is a perfectly normal phase. Rest assured, things will improve in time. Here are ten tips to help ease the transition:
"No Act of Kindness, no matter how small, is wasted." - Aesop
Do you have a talent or interest you want to share? Are you looking for an opportunity to make meaningful connections with others? Do you want to help with outings?
Then please consider becoming a volunteer at Coventry Senior Living!
Volunteers make a huge difference in the lives of residents. Volunteers of all ages are welcome!
Here are are just a few ways in which you could improve a resident's quality of life: Playing cards or other games; visiting one to one; bringing in pets; helping with manicures; reading with residents; helping with resident outings; and so much more!
It is so meaningful to our residents to have someone spend time with them. Remember the wise words of Maya Angelou, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
If you have any questions, or would like to volunteer, please contact our Activities Director, Christy Holland.